Social Media Detox Part II

Hello May 6th (a.k.a. exactly one month into my social media detox)! I feel like I should stand up and say, “Hi, my name is Katie and I’m a social media addict.” Some days are easier than others and, as each day goes by, I do believe the temptation fades a bit more. However, it’s always there just as with any addiction.

I’ve caught myself on several occasions tapping on the Facebook app just out of habit. Within seconds it triggers a reaction of, “What the heck are you doing!?” and I quickly close the app. It’s not even a desire to check Facebook. It’s just a habit; muscle memory, if you will.

For the most part, I have no need or desire to log in to my social media accounts. The positivity that I experienced in Week 1 has just amplified tenfold. I’m basking in the benefits of living a full life, exploding with genuine face-to-face engagement with my friends and family. So what have I learned from this one-month hiatus?

My Social Life

As I mentioned after Week 1, my relationships with everyone around me have improved dramatically. One thing I hadn’t really experienced during Week 1 was going out without my trusty sidekick, my iPhone. In the last several weeks, we went out to dinner with several dear friends of ours and just yesterday we attended a birthday party for our tiny buddy, Oliver. Something I realized is that people haven’t really noticed my hiatus, which is interesting. I thought that my social media presence actually “meant” something and that if I was gone, people would miss my posts ... or would maybe even be worried about where I went. Just goes to show that my online presence, or lack thereof, isn’t nearly as Earth shattering as I thought! This isn’t a bad thing though. It’s a relief to be honest. I don’t need social media and social media doesn’t need me. Life still goes on and the world continues to rotate.

I was speaking with a couple last night who we typically see at birthdays, holidays, etc. We were talking about my hiatus and they divulged they, too, had sworn off social media for many of the same reasons that I’m now discovering. We agreed there is such a cleansing feeling from saying adios to the virtual land. Also, it forces (or encourages) us to reach out to people via other avenues of communication to just say, “Hello. How are you?” … rather than just browsing their newsfeed.

It’s incredible how much more I get out of the experience of being surrounded by people I love. For so many years, I always had my phone nearby and would check it constantly. These days I don’t even bring my phone with me into a restaurant or to a party. Because for every second wasted checking my phone, I’m missing out on conversations, interactions, and moments that I can never get back. I’m more engaged and I’ve had conversations with more people that I may not have interacted with in the past … mostly because if I wasn’t actively talking to someone, I knew I could just run to my phone, my comfort zone, and block out anyone or anything else happening around me. I felt like my time spent at dinners and parties in the last 30 days have been more fun and more meaningful because I was 100% present.

My Married Life

My marriage was suffering and I was too distracted to notice. I always thought we had a strong relationship and a pretty perfect marriage. Of course, all couples bicker here and there but, for the most part, I always felt very confident in our partnership. What I didn’t realize was that I was essentially having an affair with my phone and putting my husband on the back burner. Similar to my experience with our daughter, I noticed how much I was missing out with Jeff when I was completely consumed by my phone during date night or simply watching television together.

For the first time in years, Jeff and I had an opportunity to sit on our front porch and just enjoy a cup of coffee together. Just the two of us. No phones. We were enjoying the simplicity of each other for the first time in quite awhile. It didn’t need a picture to document that it actually happened. It’s a memory that, although may seem so simple to others, was so sweet and enjoyable to us.

In the last month, I remembered how much fun we used to have together when we first met. After all, when we met, smart phones weren’t really a thing. At least not something everyone had. In fact, Facebook wasn’t even around yet. I’m really aging us, I know, but it reminded me of why we fell in love with each other to begin with. It’s been really refreshing. Of course, no marriage is perfect and as in any relationship, there is always room to spice things up and keep things interesting. But it’s truly amazing (and sad, and scary) how removing social media from a marriage can spark such a renewed sense of joy. If one month of detox can do so much good, think of how much damage several years of the opposite can do.

The biggest thing I have learned, and it makes me sad for people who may never figure this out, is:

You can live a perfectly happy life without documenting a single second of it.

Of course it would have been nice to snap a selfie of Jeff and I enjoying our quiet morning on our front deck. However, just because I don’t have that selfie doesn’t mean it’s any less real. There are a few people in my life, whether personal or professional, who are completely obsessed with taking pictures of every single thing they do and posting on social media. It almost seems like they do it out of desperation ... as if their life doesn’t have any meaning unless it’s posted on social media. I’m genuinely sad for those people yet relieved that I came to this realization before I wasted any more of my life living that way.

It’s ok to do a nice thing for someone and not announce to the world that you did it. It’s ok to be really proud of your accomplishment. I promise, it doesn’t make it any less monumental if you don’t share it on your feed. Share these things with the people in your life who actually mean something to you. People who are going to show you genuine support and give you a real life high five, not an emoji.

There’s a saying, “Pics, or it didn’t happen.” I’m here to tell you that is B.S.

My Fit Life

This brings me to something else I did in the last month. I joined the Tuff Girl family. I quickly learned that Tuff Girl is not just another gym. It’s a group of primarily women who have created the most uplifting and encouraging community that I’ve ever seen. What’s interesting is I have joined this beautiful family and have been working on myself mentally and physically for ME ... not for the purpose of posting my achievements and progress on social media. I think my detox from social media, in conjunction with becoming a Tuff Girl, has provided me with the opportunity for some serious personal growth. Each time I walk into that gym, and I’m greeted by a room full of genuine smiles and encouraging hellos, I know that the next hour is for me to focus on myself and to let go of any outside stressors.

Tuff girl focuses on strength, both mental and physical. Let’s be real, this gym is no joke and we don’t sit around singing Kumbaya. It’s a serious kick-ass workout and my ass is looking a little higher and tighter because of it. But the reason I think I’ve gotten so much out of my experience with Tuff Girl is because each time I walk in for a session, it’s 100% about ME. I haven’t posted a single blurb about my first pull-up ... or about how I didn’t want to go to the gym but was so glad that I did. Why? Because for the first time, this is MY personal journey. It has nothing to do with getting Likes and comments under a Facebook post.

In years past, I can vividly remember going to the gym for the sake of saying I did, because I was looking for some type of virtual fist bump. Guess what, if you’re going to the gym for the approval of others, you aren’t getting out of it what you could be. It needs to be for you and about you. Tuff Girl has taught me some valuable lessons and I’m so grateful for my TG family. What I’ve also learned is that I can celebrate and be damn proud of myself for my accomplishments ... and they are just as amazing even without me posting them on social media.

So I guess we can call this a social experiment. I’m the prime example of a recovering social media addict. It completely consumed me. And if someone didn’t present me with a pretty sweet bet, I doubt I would’ve ever even attempted a detox. It has been the biggest blessing and I wish I had done it sooner. I know it sounds cliche’ but if I can do it, literally ANYONE can do it. But don’t do it for someone else, do it for you. You may cut yourself off from what seems like an endless virtual world but in reality, your actual world will get a whole lot bigger and brighter.

One Week Down, Happily Forever To Go

One week ago, we were sitting at a table at a local pizza joint after our slumber party shoot when J and I got into a discussion about her quitting social media. She was absolutely convinced that anyone could quit social media ... that it’s just like quitting caffeine or any other crutch. It’s tough for a couple days, then you simply don’t miss it. Then came the bet. Jamie presented me with an offer I couldn’t refuse. She offered me fancy adirondack chairs for my new deck if I quit social media for one month. We shook on it (or we toasted, which seems more likely) and that was that.

So, today marks a little over a week that I have not looked at or engaged with any of my personal social media accounts.

[Full Disclosure: As you know, social media marketing is my jam so I did engage in social media related tasks for our clients only.]

Here’s what I’ve learned:

1. I do not miss social media.

Just as J described, it took a day or two for me to shake the urge to check my phone. It had just become a chronic “condition” to press that home button on my phone to check for any updates on my social media accounts. But, by Tuesday, the urge had basically faded away. I actually feel like a tremendous weight has been lifted off of my shoulders. I almost felt like it was my duty to check it, constantly. I know it sounds crazy but I felt compelled to stop whatever I was doing to check my social media accounts or post on them … or to stop and take a picture of something with the intent of sharing the photo on Facebook or Instagram. Just thinking about it now sounds exhausting.

2. Social media is the devil. 👹

I have always said that jokingly to people. However, I’m really not joking. Of course social media has its positives. It’s a wonderful tool to keep in touch with friends and family, especially if they aren’t local. As an animal advocate, I’m very aware that it has also saved thousands of lives. The networking opportunities are endless and animals that would otherwise never have had a chance are finding new loving homes thanks to the power of social media.

But here’s what else social media does ... it causes drama. It ruins relationships, raises my blood pressure, and makes me constantly question my worth because everyone is always posting how perfect their lives are. Even when I knew damn well that Susie Q’s life wasn’t as peachy as she made it look, it would still bother me to look at her photos of her picture perfect house, fancy car, and pics of her kids in their expensive clothes. I don’t even know why it would bother me because I live a pretty awesome life ... but it would. Or I would see friends out together and I would question why we weren’t invited. Even if there was no malicious intent on their part, it would hurt my feelings, and sometimes make my blood boil.

My quality of life has improved so dramatically, it’s almost unreal.

People will say, “Oh, did you see what so and so posted on Facebook! Doesn’t that make you mad?” Actually … nope. Didn’t see it, don’t care, and I’m much happier because I didn’t. Facebook in particular can be a really amazing tool for some things but it can truly breed trouble and my life is better without it. Sorry, not sorry.

3. My relationships with those around me have improved exponentially.

To think that I would mentally exit whatever I was doing or check out of whatever conversation I was having in actual life (yup, with an actual human being) to check in on a virtual world. How sad is that? Not only is it sad but I realize how downright rude I was being.

For the first time I was on the other side of talking to someone who was engrossed in their phone. I was talking to a zombie who was not actually listening to me. I was so irritated … then it hit me ... that I was guilty of this way too often. I don’t even know how I retained some of the relationships I have seeing as I have likely done this to all of them at one time or another. Of course, it was not my intent to be rude but, in hindsight, I was being a gigantic jerk.

4. My relationship with my four-year-old daughter has completely changed. 💜

This ties into the above but it deserves its own mention. I have never in all of her time here on Earth ever felt so present, and truly able to appreciate my daughter for who she is.

I would never label myself as a bad mother before. I would bring her to the aquarium, and show up to every karate class. I kissed her goodnight every single night, kissed boo boos, and gave her extra cookies even when I knew she had already reached her limit. I provided her with her basic needs, of course, and spoiled her with new stuffed animals and trips to Amatos. But here’s the thing …

Since the day she was born, I feel like I’ve watched my child grow up through the lens of my phone.

I was so wrapped up in the perceived necessity of snapping photos and posting them on social media that I forgot to actually be present and enjoy my daughter. How many thousands of moments have I missed because I was taking the pictures? I was completely engrossed in my phone as I was posting photos, coming up with clever captions, and then constantly checking in to see who liked or commented on the photos of my beautiful little girl being silly, or sweet, or creative!

I HAVE MISSED SO MUCH.

It hurts me to admit how much I have missed but the only thing I can do is make sure I don’t miss anymore. In just a week’s time my daughter has become more affectionate towards me. She seeks me out to show me something she has created or she simply asks me to come sit outside with her and watch the world go by. Granted, I’m sure she would have done these things with me all along but, after awhile, when a child feels ignored, they’ll eventually give up and go to someone else who will give them the attention they deserve.

In my case, I have always felt jealous of my husband because I thought my daughter liked him more. Here’s the thing ... it wasn’t that she liked him more. It was that he was always present with her and truly appreciated every moment he had with her. She was his priority when they were together. Whereas all of these years, my phone and social media accounts had become my priority. Imagine that.

In just one week my daughter picked up on the fact that my phone is not present during my time at home. She doesn’t have to ask me to pay attention if she wants to show me something on television. She doesn’t have to repeat herself when she asks me something because I hear her the first time. When I look at her, I truly see her for all of the magic and fun that she is. I always call her my wild child (and I mean that in the most beautiful way). If only we could all live our lives with the same outlook that she has this world would be a much better place.

I wasn’t a bad mother prior to my social media hiatus. I was just not a present mother.

And how sad to think of all of the wonderful moments that I missed that I can’t get back. Sure, I have pictures and videos, but it’s simply not the same. My relationship with my little girl suffered and I’m just so grateful that I made this realization now and that I still have so many years left to enjoy and cherish.

5. I have gained so much time and increased my productivity tenfold.

So much time was wasted aimlessly scrolling. Whether it be at work or during my free time. In fact, this past weekend my daughter and I were able to clean up an old stump and create a crazy awesome fairy garden. It was a great experience and it was just me and her. No distractions and we got a ton of work done! So much fun! When you don’t have such a time suck to pull you in, you find legitimate work to get done. Win, win!

So in the end, am I saying I will never check in on Facebook again? Probably not as it is a way of keeping in touch with people that I don’t get to see often. However, I will commit to continuing my hiatus for the rest of the month for sure. I’m convinced that at month’s end I’m going to uncover many more benefits of staying away from social media. So who knows? I may cut the cord all together by then and head back to the days of letters and telephone calls to keep in touch. Anyone who knows me is probably as shocked as I am but life is a journey of learning and growth. This life lesson is one I’m grateful for.

The Revelation I Made In Puerto Rico (It Might Surprise You)

A few weeks ago, I took a vacation to Puerto Rico with one of my besties. A much needed vacation. The goal of our trip: RELAXATION. As we were waiting at our gate to depart, we made a pact to not check social media while we were away. I couldn’t be happier to log off and fully disconnect! Actually, I had been tinkering with the thought of ditching social media in my personal life so the timing was quite perfect to finally do so. After agreeing to abandon Facebook and Instagram for a week, we both moved the icons for those tempting little apps right off the main screen on our iPhones. Ahhhhhhhh! It felt incredibly refreshing!

After landing in Puerto Rico, we had some time to spare before our room was ready. In true fashion, we found our way to the 5 O’Clock Somewhere Bar to celebrate our girl’s trip with some Prosecco. Now, the old me would have immediately busted out my phone to take the obligatory selfie for a social media post. I’ll admit … the thought did cross my mind but the new me left my phone in my bag and instead, soaked in the sound of the crashing waves in the background. And that’s when it really, truly hit me. The magnitude of what we miss when we’re focused on our cell phone screens. How many precious moments get stolen by our attachment to social media?

No camera can really capture the true beauty of a sunset.

And then there’s the productivity piece of this frightening equation.

🕛Scrolling through the Facebook feed.
🕒Liking photos on Instagram.
🕧 Watching videos on YouTube.
🕘Posting stuff.
🕑Going back and checking your posts to see who has commented.
⏰OMG!

Honestly, how many hours of productivity are lost per day … per week … per month … ?! Eeeeeekkk!

I’m not sure if it was because I was on a beautiful island in the Caribbean or what but it suddenly clicked for me. A revelation that I believe has been building for awhile but finally came to light in lovely Puerto Rico.

Social media SUCKS.

Now granted, I do believe there are some positive aspects of it. I get to share in the experiences of my family and friends who don’t live close by. I’m reminded of special birthdays, anniversaries, or other life events. I can do a little networking here and there. I can view photos of dogs, which always makes me smile.

However, when I really started thinking about the bigger picture, it became evident to me that social media was actually having a more negative impact in my life than a positive one. More often than not, I’d close out of Facebook or Instagram feeling bad about myself … and I lead a pretty great life so that’s absurd. Self doubt, negativity, jealousy. All of those terrible things that can send you off on an emotional roller coaster.

It was there at the 5 O’Clock Somewhere Bar … beside my friend … surrounded by happy native pups looking for French fries and burger scraps … soothed by the sounds of the sea … I made the choice to take a break from social media.

I’ll just chill here

Until you drop something :)

At the time I’m writing this post, it has now been 22 days since I’ve checked any of my personal social media accounts. (Business is different. That’s a necessary evil but one that I can live with at the moment.) It has made such an impact in my life that I decided to blog about it. I’m feeling so fabulous about this hiatus that I hope to inspire you to take a break from social media, too!

Here are some of the changes I’ve experienced since my break-up with social media:

1. I have a more positive body image.

2. I can think more clearly.

3. I’m less distracted.

4. I’m more productive during my work day.

5. I’m less stressed out overall.

6. I’m more confident about where I am in life.

7. I feel an incredible sense of empowerment.

8. I’m able to be in the moment.

9. I enjoy more meaningful time with my husband, friends, and family.

10. I’m just plain happier.

Will I ever be on social media again? I’m not sure. Honestly, it feels like giving up sugar or wine for awhile. There are just so many immediate and positive effects. I’d like to say I’m done forever. However, just like with sugar and wine, it’s tempting and easy to go back. Although if I had to choose between Facebook and wine … and I could only have one for the rest of my life … it’s wine all the way! 🍷

I encourage you to take a challenge. Try giving up social media for a single week. (It’s only a week … you can do anything for a week, right?!) I promise you, you’ll be pleasantly surprised at how it makes you feel. If you do give it a whirl, I’d love to know how it works out for you.

Take a 1-week break from social media … we dare you!

Tuesday Tip #14: 5 Tips To Balance Your Work And Life

Work and life. A constant struggle and balancing act that most professionals contend with daily. Are you the one at the office when your family is at the beach? Or maybe you’re always saying no to happy hour with friends because you just have to finish editing. Whatever the case might be, if you’re dedicated to your work, it’s sometimes tough to feel balanced in both aspects of your overall existence. 

We know it’s hard and we’re totally guilty of overworking and underplaying. However, we truly believe in the value of relationships and family ... and know how precious our time really is. We’ve restructured our way of life to ensure we have a work-life balance.

Here are five super easy tips that anyone can incorporate into their daily routine starting today! 

1. Stop and smell the roses. 

Dedicate distraction-free time for meal or coffee breaks. Walk away from your computer. Engage with other humans. Take a walk outside. Try to stay off your phone as it has a way of sucking you in. Truly unplug for at least 20 minutes. Clear your head. 

2. Punch out.

Take at least one day off per week that allows you to spend time with friends and family. At the very least, if you can’t take an entire day off, schedule any work for first thing in the morning so you’re done by noon and can enjoy the rest of the day without work hanging over your head. 

3. Take care of yourself.

Remember the saying, “You can’t pour from an empty cup.” Whether it’s a yoga session, massage, pedicure … whatever makes you unplug and rejuvenate … it will be a well-deserved gift to yourself. 

4. Seriously, think about it.

Meditate on WHY you're working as much as you are. Are you trying to create a better life for your children? Do you have a financial goal in mind for yourself? Whatever the case may be, remember that you’re living your life right now. Time is ticking by whether you’re working or not. Don’t live to work. Work to live. Enjoy today and enjoy the precious moments that are right in front of you. Goals are so important but don’t lose sight of your true priorities in life. 

5. Do nothing.

Per Winnie the Pooh, “Sometimes nothing leads to a whole lot of something.” If you’re job involves creativity, you can’t force yourself to come up with fresh and interesting ideas. It’s something that either comes to you or it doesn’t. In fact, if you’re tired or just simply tapped out, that creative block just gets worse and worse. Free your brain. Do absolutely nothing for a bit. Nothing can be remarkably rewarding, believe it or not. 

Bottom line: you weren’t put on this Earth to work yourself to death. You have value and life is worth enjoying. Don’t lose sight of that. Don’t compromise your goals. Don’t compromise your quality of life and relationships. 

Every Tuesday we share easy and actionable advice you can take to refresh your current marketing plan. Follow us on Facebook and Instagram to see more!  

#LMGTuesdayTips

6 Tips To Avoid Being Voted “Most Hated” In the Workplace

Let’s take a moment to talk about professional courtesy. Scratch that. Let’s just talk about plain courtesy. Throughout the course of my career, I have been in positions where I got to speak and work with customers, clients, coworkers, and agents from other companies … and the list goes on. Bottom line, I have become a self-taught expert in dealing with people. So here is my question: at what point did it become acceptable for people not to be courteous? I do not expect everyone to be Susie Sunshine all day, every day. I understand that people have bad days. However, there are some basics that I would think are just standard and not that difficult to abide by. In this blog post, I’m going to share my six tips to avoid being voted “Most Hated” in the workplace!

1. Show up.

Sounds pretty simple, right? In the managerial positions I have held, a huge peeve of mine was when people just didn’t show up ... no show, no call. Would it kill you to just send a quick text to say you’re running late or can’t make it? After all this was a date and time that YOU agreed to at some point in time. 

In my days of real estate, I couldn’t even count the number of times that I had made an appointment and sat at a location waiting for well over 30 minutes for someone who never showed up. Sometimes I would call or text and the person wouldn’t even respond with an apology! On occasion, I would get a text back … something to the effect of, “something came up” or “Oops. I forgot.” Ok, things happen. I get it. However, please remember that someone is on the other side of this arrangement and would very much appreciate a heads-up so their time isn’t wasted. 

I know some people might think that if they have to either cancel an appointment or miss a day of work, the other person or their manager will be upset. Newsflash: they’ll be more upset if they get blown off completely. Time wasted is not going to make anyone happy. 

2. Be nice.

Super basic. In my everyday life, I’m actually in shock with the number of adults that are just plain nasty. Again, let me use an example from real estate. I unfortunately had too many dealings with some not-so-nice agents. And it would always blow my mind. They had a client selling a house. I had a client buying a house. Seems to me like we had a common goal! However, entering the contract phase felt more like entering the gauntlet! I get it. They were protecting their client as I was protecting mine. What I never understood was why I felt like I was participating in a live reenactment of the Battle of Gettysburg.

Here’s the thing. We all have had different life experiences and we all have come from different professional backgrounds. We do not need to do brunch and be besties … but can we please appreciate each other for what the other has to offer? I can guarantee that if we put our differences aside, we can make magic happen.

This, of course, applies outside of real estate ... rudeness happens in all industries. The common link in all industries? Humans. So just be nice. If someone rubs you the wrong way, chalk it up to them having a bad day. Don’t snap back. Be polite and professional. If they continually prove to just be a rotten Anna Banana (because Lord knows these exist), then kill them with kindness. It will likely diffuse the hostility and it will give you satisfaction. I promise. As much as it may pain you, keep in mind that if a person acts miserable all the time, they probably lead a pretty unhappy life to begin with. Don’t add to the negativity. 

Tip 2: Don't be the rotten banana.

3. Follow through.

If you say you are going to do something, do it. At the same time, if you aren’t going to do something, do not say that you will. Nothing is more frustrating (especially when you are battling deadlines) than when you are patiently waiting for someone else to deliver their piece of the puzzle.

People are going to count on you. In some cases, it means they have put their rump on the line for you, too. Even if bailing on a commitment may seemingly only make you look bad, think about how it will make the company or client you are representing look. If you can’t deliver, do not commit. 

4. Give credit when credit is due.

I remember feeling bummed after being declined for a position I had applied for. I remember feeling disappointed when I didn’t get a promotion I thought I deserved. These are what we call letdowns. And we all face many of them in this life! While your first instinct might be to show animosity toward the person who did get the job or score the promotion, don’t be a sore loser. Pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and congratulate that coworker!

I am a firm believer that everything happens for a reason and at the exact moment when it’s supposed to happen. So if something didn’t work out for you, there’s a good chance there’s an opportunity around the corner that’s meant just for you. 

Keep in mind, too, that this is an opportunity for you to soak in some constructive feedback. If you find yourself in a position where you see a fellow business owner in a similar field, or a coworker in the same department, receive special recognition, take this as an opportunity to reevaluate your company, yourself, and your way of doing things. Many times you can learn from your competition and colleagues. Be the bigger person. Shake their hand. Give them a high five. Give them credit, as it is due. Not only will you come out smelling like roses but that type of sportsmanship will be noticed and pay you back in the future. 

5. Mind yo business.

Rule of thumb: Not your circus, not your monkeys. Busy bodies find themselves in the middle of some ugly pickles because they should have just stayed out of it. This especially applies in a professional setting. Your work is your livelihood. It literally feeds your kids, makes your car payment, keeps a roof over your head. Do you really want to compromise all of that because you couldn’t resist adding to the daily gossip about Sammy Salamander sleeping with his assistant? Stay away. Do not get involved. Mind your own monkeys. 

Tip 5: Mind your monkeys.

6. Support each other.

I, of course, am very vocal about women supporting other women in business. Regardless of your gender, orientation, color, education, economic class, favorite boy band ... we need to join together and help each other out. Albert Einstein (I hear he was a pretty smart dude) made a very bold statement that has always stuck with me. 

“I speak to everyone in the same way, whether he is the garbage man or the president of the University.”

— Albert Einstein

If you can help someone, why not? No one knows 100% of everything. I know I don’t. I’ll bet you don’t either. Even if you have been in your industry for 35 years, there is always something new to learn. If you have an apprentice come into the shop, why not take him under your wing as opposed to heckling him?

I was very fortunate to have a friend in the real estate industry who had been doing it for much longer than me. If I ever had a question, she was always more than happy to help me. She could have just as easily taken on the attitude of, “Why should I help her? She's the competition. She should figure this out on her own.” Guess what though? Anytime she had a question about animals or marketing, I was there for her. 

Be that go-to person. It will come back tenfold. (Just as it will come back in its ugliest form if you aren’t helpful to someone just because you are on your high horse.) Remember, you never know when you will encounter that garbage man again. It just so happens that his name might be the signature on your paycheck one day.

I will leave you with this: 

“Courtesy is a silver lining around the dark clouds of civilization; it is the best part of refinement and in many ways, an art of heroic beauty in the vast gallery of man’s cruelty and baseness.”

— Bryant H. McGill

Oh, and one more thing. Never swipe someone's banana, Chobani yogurt, or any other food item from the break room. That's totally not cool. And your co-workers will hate you for it.

-Katie
 

My Boudoir Photo Shoot: How It Changed Me

Once upon a time I was a wild woman in her twenties. I did what I wanted, when I wanted, and did so unapologetically. Of course, I am pretty G-rated in general so what I mean by the above is I would go out after work to grab drinks or take random drives to the beach. I did not have any responsibility other than my job and my dogs so I came and left as I pleased. I also had the luxury of a damn good metabolism so all those Coronas didn’t go straight to my ass. 

Fast forward to the magical year of 27. My husband and I had been married for a couple years and we were very excited to welcome our beautiful baby girl into the world. I was pregnant. Oh boy, was I pregnant. I ate ice cream sundaes like the world was going to end and damn did my belly get B.I.G.

Looking back, I want a refund. Where was my cute little basketball baby bump? I looked like I was carrying a small planet. Everyone kept saying that if I breast fed, the weight would just melt right off. So in the moment, I wasn’t too concerned. 

Our gorgeous ray of light busted into the world on November 6, 2014. She was perfect. (She still is ... minus her age-appropriate wackiness and meltdowns.) I did everything “right” during my pregnancy. I wanted to be that perfect mom. The one who breast feeds and only gives her baby organic and natural baby food. For a split second I even thought about using cloth diapers.

I obsessively watched her while she slept to make sure she didn’t stop breathing. We were absolutely in love. So much so, I didn’t give much thought about diet and exercise. I was fixated on giving every morsel of myself to her.  But it didn’t matter. I brought this bundle of pure perfection into the world. After all, I was breastfeeding and it was all going to “bounce back.” Right?

It’s so true how they say you don’t know that something is a problem until it is. Well, my first real encounter with my hatred toward my post-pregnancy body was in late December. My husband’s company was having a Christmas party. It would have been our first night out as a couple since S was born. I was looking forward to getting out of the house, having a glass of wine, and enjoying the evening with other adults. My husband was working that day and I was home with our daughter … but had the whole day to get ready. 

Mid day I went to my closet. It all went downhill from there. I came to the realization that the body I once had … the one that looked so hot in skinny jeans and tight tops … it was GONE. There was no sign of it bouncing back. I did not like one single inch of myself in that moment. I cried. Actually sat on my bed and sobbed. 

I never made it to the Christmas party that night. My poor husband is a saint. I do not know how he kept his sanity with an infant and an emotional wreck of a wife. I guess that’s what marriage is about though. I am so thankful for him every day. Looking back, I was legitimately depressed. I hated myself and did not want to go out or be seen. I was embarrassed and disgusted. 

Over the next several months I joined a gym and got into healthier eating habits. I had returned to work so it was easier to stay on an eating schedule and make healthier choices. I was not in that dark place any more and had lost a considerable amount of weight. However, I was most definitely not at my pre-pregnancy weight. My arms were flabby and I was still not happy with what I saw in the mirror. I still wasn’t comfortable in my skin. 

This battle went on for the majority of 2015 and 2016. I didn’t hate myself but I had settled on the fact that I was a Mom now and was never going to be as beautiful as I once was. I gave up and just thought that part of my life was over. Sad, huh? 

In 2016 I was trying to obtain my real estate license. In preparation for it, I wanted to have some professional headshots done in anticipation of having business cards made and whatever else. I had met a photographer through some mutual friends and she had actually come to the shelter I worked at to adopt her dog, Blitz. 

She specialized in boudoir but I reached out to her to ask about pricing for headshots (even though that’s not really her thing). I knew she offered hair and makeup, too, and I wanted to have great quality photos. I don’t know if she knew how I was feeling about myself but she enthusiastically agreed to do my headshots and said we would do some “fun” shots, too. 

I had seen Beth’s work before. I was secretly intrigued, perhaps obsessed. She took beautiful photos of women of all ages, ethnicities, and sizes. I was so envious of these women. So gorgeous, glamorous, and confident. I remember thinking to myself, “I used to be that girl. I wish I had done a photo shoot like this before I got pregnant.“ 

I remember driving to the studio that September morning. I was so nervous I was shaking. I didn’t know what to expect. Even though I had met her before, and felt like I knew her through social media, I didn't really know her. 

I arrived at her studio and she warmly greeted me. I probably looked like I was going to throw up and she probably felt bad for me. Even if you ask me now why I was nervous, I really have no idea. 

She had me come in and she went right to work on my hair and makeup. She was SO EASY to talk to. I felt instantly at ease once I sat in her prep chair. Maybe she had some essential calming oils in a diffuser somewhere. I don’t know. 

She was extremely professional and yet casual at the same time. It was a very comfortable setting and only positive and good vibes were flowing. In my text messages to her prior to my arrival, and on that day, we did talk about my hatred of my body. Beth seemed to really care and was so open to me sharing how I was feeling. She is also a Mom so it seemed natural for me to talk about it with her.

She is an absolutely stunning woman so I didn’t know if she would understand. However, what she helped me to realize is that regardless of what size you are, or how many babies you have had, or any of a million other things, every woman shares the same struggle with body image. Of course, not everyone shares the same complaints. Whether it be cellulite ... or maybe you think your boobs are too small … or your waist isn’t tiny enough. The bottom line is, every woman is their own worst critic and picks on something about themselves regardless of how beautiful they are. 

So we finished my hair and makeup. Very professional and corporate. I put on my top (with the tags still attached because I really couldn’t afford it and had every intention of returning it. Go ahead, judge me. I wore it for six minutes.) We then went to work making me look like the friendliest and best realtor this side of the Canadian border. ;) I was remarkably at ease with Beth. I thought being put on the spot to pose would be awkward or uncomfortable. Beth is excellent at what she does. I hate to keep using the word professional but she knows what she is doing and knows how to flawlessly coach her clients. She was patient and guided me effortlessly. She was positive and encouraging. At no point did I feel out of place or strange. 

Ok, so we were done with with the headshots. Which, of course, were pretty standard, and didn’t really let Beth’s creative juices flow. She looked at me and asked me what I wanted to do next. What came flying out of my mouth was, “I am game. You tell me.” In that second I was thinking, “Oh God! What did I just agree to? Is she going to throw up when she sees my cellulite? Is she going to laugh? Is she going to change her mind when she sees all that I can hide with black leggings?” 

She guided me to her spectacular wardrobe collection. She showed me some pieces, then picked out a black bodysuit and a mauve pink set. She told me to put on the black bodysuit first and then come out when I was ready. 

I stuffed myself into that suit. A mutual friend of ours was there and I solicited her assistance in getting my giant ass into that tiny suit. I walked out of the dressing room feeling all sorts of exposed. Beth likely sensed that I was on the verge of aborting said mission. She took me under her wing (not her actual wing … although she has those as accessories in the studio) and put me behind a sheer white curtain. 

In hindsight, I think she knew I needed a security blanket in that moment. I was so worried about trying to not look fat. I can’t remember how it came about but there was literally a moment when Beth asked me to trust her and promised she would never let me take unflattering photos. It made sense, of course. If she took unflattering photos, not only would I not be happy, but other clients would make note and not want to be photographed by her.  

I took a deep breath and made the choice to trust her. She guided me through several different poses. I very quickly got into a groove and even forgot I was half naked. I was having so much fun! We laughed, we joked, we were like old friends just hanging out. It all felt so natural. Beth had taken plenty of photos in that outfit. She told me to put on the mauve pink set. I did as I was instructed. I came out and she said, “Ok, we are going to go down to the barn.” Alright, go big or go home. 

Mind you, under any other circumstances (and had I not come out of my shell in the last 30 minutes of shooting) there was no way I was going to walk outside with barely any clothes on. I found this strength, this fearlessness, and I went for it. There was really nothing to be afraid of. I mean Beth’s studio was out in the middle of nowhere. The only creatures I encountered were some horses and dogs. Oh, and I believe Beth’s Mom may have caught a glimpse but I can only imagine the crazy things she has witnessed Beth shooting before … haha! 

I spent that entire day at Beth’s studio. After shaking my nervous jitters, I can honestly say it was one of the most memorable and fun days of my life. It was a day of pampering, glamour, and lots of laughs. When I left her studio that day, I felt changed. I walked with my head a little higher. I felt more confidence running through my veins. I had no idea how the photos would come out but, regardless of the results, I was brave and left my comfort zone. I was proud of myself. I felt human again. I wasn’t just a wife or a mom. I felt like a woman. 

(Side note: I didn’t wash off any of the makeup when I left the studio. When I arrived home, I was greeted by the owner of the recycling company we use. There had been a mix up and he came over to personally apologize and pick up our recyclables. Very nice gesture. However, I saw the look on his face. My makeup must have looked straight crazy to the naked eye … lol. Don’t worry ladies, it photographs beautifully. Just be sure to either wash your face before you leave or don’t make dinner plans immediately following.)

I didn’t expect to see any photos for a few weeks. So when I saw Beth had messaged me later that night I figured she was just reaching out to check in. Then I saw she sent me an image. I opened it and remember looking at the photo of the woman and wondering who it was. For a split second, I literally didn’t recognize that I was looking at myself. I actually asked out loud, “Do I really look like this?” I showed the photo to my husband. I am pretty sure I made him blush. He answered me that I do indeed look like that. My heart sank. I started to cry. I was in disbelief. 

I was beautiful. 

How did I hate myself so much for so long? How did I believe that I was so frumpy, ugly, and gross? I was none of those things. Why did I think I had lost my sexiness? 

Courtesy of Lost Highway Imaging

I gave birth to my daughter on November 6, 2014. My photoshoot was on September 2, 2016. For nearly two years, I was in such a rut. It didn’t matter how much my husband tried to tell me I was gorgeous. I thought he was just being nice. I absolutely hated the skin I was in. I didn’t believe I deserved to feel good about myself. It's not a feeling that I can truly articulate. Although I have a feeling that I am not the only woman to go through this. In fact, I’ll bet someone reading this knows the EXACT feeling I am describing. 

It took a single day. It took a single person. It took a single photo to show me what I actually looked like. For me to see myself as I truly am. To love myself again. To 100% believe that I was sexy, and feminine, and worth it. I still get chills thinking about that day because I am a completely changed person because of it. I am more confident than I have ever been in my life. More so than I even was when I was eight jean sizes smaller. Because I finally realized that the size of your pants does NOT define you. Listen, I still try to be mindful of my diet and I try to stay active. But that is because I want to be a healthier version of myself. It is no longer because I think I need to fit into some mold in order to meet some standard that doesn’t exist. 

I know it seems crazy that one experience of a boudoir photo shoot can really be so mind blowing and empowering. It wasn’t just a photo shoot though. That is my point. It was a therapy session, really. It was because a photographer colored outside of the lines and didn’t conform to society’s standards of only taking photos of Victoria’s Secret-type bodies. It was because she truly believes that ALL women are beautiful. It was because she wants to empower every single woman and for them to set examples for others. It was because she is a mother herself and wants her daughter to grow up in a society where we are not defined by any physical attribute.

Courtesy of Lost Highway Imaging

This is NOT a plus-size movement. Just to be clear. I don’t believe in that God awful term. This is a women’s movement. I don’t care if you are a size 0 with an athletic physique or a size 25 with some junk in your trunk. You deserve this experience. It should actually be mandatory.

(Again, I just want to emphasize that I am a huge advocate of trying to maintain a healthier  lifestyle. After all, I want to live a long, happy life. I want to enjoy grandkids and great grandkids someday. As much as it pains me, eating gooey mac and cheese each day and not working out probably won’t get me there. You have to decide for yourself what works for you and what makes you feel your best. On the other hand, I am a huge advocate of YOLO. So if I want that cheesecake and wine, I totes have it.)

My outlook on EVERYTHING has changed. I no longer stress if I put on a few extra pounds after the holiday. I no longer obsessively feel the need to ask my husband for validation of my beauty. Although, I do love him for the fact that he still tells me everyday. I am so blessed with a gorgeous little girl. I will do everything in my power to set an example for her … that we are not defined by our physical appearance but by our morals and character. This is a movement of a positive body image, regardless of what size, ethnicity, or cultural background. 

I am a new person because of my experience. I want this for every woman. 

Here are a few tips if you are thinking of taking the plunge ...

1. Look at the photographer's work and testimonials.

When choosing a boudoir photographer, look at previous work and testimonials. Talk with the photographer. See if you vibe with them. It’s important to feel comfortable with your photographer. You will be spending many hours with them and will not have a ton of clothes on so you don’t want to feel awkward. They should be easy to talk to, listen to your vision, and understand why you want to do the session.

2. Get a handle on hair and makeup.

Work out the details of hair and makeup. Does the photographer have someone on set for you or will they do it themselves? They may expect you to come with your hair and makeup already done. This is very important and not something to overlook. Make sure you have your hair and makeup professionally done. You do not want to look washed out. Remember that dramatic makeup I told you about? Yes, your makeup to the naked eye is going to look a bit much but it photographs much differently. It is worth the extra cash if it’s not included in your session. 

3. Understand the release.

Make it crystal clear to your photographer if you wish or don’t wish to sign a release. It is actually the photographer’s job to thoroughly explain to you that you have the option of signing a release or not. If you sign a release, that gives them permission to use your photos and share them as they please. This session is about you and your reasons for doing it are very personal. I chose to share my photos as I wanted to empower other women. I am so damn proud of myself and those photos so I wanted to share them with the world. However, it is absolutely OK to keep the photos to yourself and/or your significant other. This journey is yours and your photographer should respect that. Sadly, not all photographers are trustworthy or hold themselves to the same professional standard that Beth does. Protect yourself. 

4. Have your wardrobe ready.

Lost Highway Imaging provided a huge array of wardrobe options. However, not all photographers will provide that added perk. Ask for suggestions in regards to what kind of wardrobe to bring. Do not be afraid to bring something that makes you feel sexy or something special that you want to try out. Depending on your body type, your photographer may caution you against wearing it or suggest something else. Let them provide the guidance on that. I have done a few sessions so far and my go-to essentials are:

• Nude and black strapless bras and panties

• Black or red pumps

• My husband’s favorite sports jersey

• Lace lingerie

• Steel boned corset
  

5. Trust your photographer

Even if the poses might feel strange at first, or you don’t think it will look a certain way, please have some faith. They are seeing you from a different view and the photos will come out very different than you may think. They want to produce a beautiful result, just as you want a beautiful result. So embrace the experience and go with it. Remember that barn I talked about? It was outside of the norm for a typical boudoir photo shoot. But it was unique and some of my favorite photos featured that setting! 

6. Eat, drink (water), and be merry!

Eat breakfast and bring snacks. You should also come prepared with water (although I am sure your photographer will have some available for you). It is a long day and being a model actually does require quite a bit of work. We don’t want you passing out from low blood sugar! I promise, the camera is not going to pick up on that bowl of oatmeal or granola bar you ate.

I really can’t express to you enough how thankful I am to Beth Claire of Lost Highway Imaging for this experience. She has since become a lifelong and dear friend of mine. I feel as if she saved me in ways I didn’t even realize were possible. I have truly blossomed into a new woman. I was granted the very amazing opportunity and honor of being a brand ambassador for Lost Highway Imaging in 2017. Looking back at my journey, you can literally see my growth as a person and woman in the photos.

I love myself. I have pride in myself. I want nothing more than to inspire women to do the same. 

-Katie

Courtesy of Lost Highway Imaging

What To Expect At A Middlesex Chamber Business After Work Event

Last night we attended our first Middlesex Chamber of Commerce Business After Work Event. When we launched LMG back in October, Katie and I both agreed that joining the Chamber would be a great way to grow our new business. Last night’s event hosted by Fire At The Ridge in Middlefield certainly affirmed our decision to do so.

In this blog post, we’ll recap our experience and share some details on what you can expect at a typical Middlesex Chamber of Commerce Business After Work Event. 

Registration

The Middlesex Chamber does a fantastic job of filling their Events Calendar with all sorts of beneficial seminars, training classes, and socials for local business people. The calendar can be accessed on their website, making it easy for busy entrepreneurs to plan ahead. They also send regular email reminders to members on upcoming news and events (again, something I find to be very helpful for scheduling purposes). 

When we joined the Chamber, we got set up with credentials so we could access their online Member Portal. The portal is intuitive, user-friendly, and allows you to view and register for upcoming events. I was able to quickly register both me and Katie for the Business After Work event in less than a minute.

Note: From what I gathered, pre-registration is recommended but not mandatory for the Business After Work events. 

Cost

Business After Work events are free for members and a nominal suggested (but optional) donation is taken at the door.

Arrival

The event was scheduled from 5-7pm. Upon arrival we were greeted by a table of friendly Chamber representatives at the main entrance. They gave us name badges that touted blue smiley face stickers as a way to differentiate us because we were new. The stickers definitely served as a conversation piece throughout the night. People kept asking us what the stickers were about. We told them it was because we were VIPs but then fessed up that it was because we were new. Hehe!

Smiley Face means you're VIP :)

Dress Attire

I would recommend business casual attire for the Business After Work event. You’ll be meeting people (or potential future customers) for the first time so I feel it’s best to be well put-together in a situation like this. You know, dress the part. Or as Ron Burgundy would put, “You stay classy San Diego.” 

Food & Drink

An assortment of hand passed hors d'oeuvres were prepared and served by the staff at Fire At The Ridge. I love to eat so I’m all about any event that provides delicious treats! Everything I sampled was delectable, too. Amongst several other things, I had a miniature French Onion Bowl that was quite memorable. Complimentary wine and beer were also served. 

Networking

I’ve been to enough networking events in my time so I feel like I can share some words of wisdom here. For starters, don’t make the rookie mistake of showing up without business cards. Bring a big fat stack because they’re your golden tickets to potential future opportunities! Also, make sure your cards are easily accessible (i.e. not buried somewhere in your purse or hidden behind credit cards in your wallet). I have a business card holder which I stored in my back pocket throughout the duration of this event. Easy access.

I believe the 'O' in OCD really stands for Organized. Just sayin.

Now if you’re an extrovert (such as Katie), you are inherently equipped and designed for a networking event. Shaking hands. Making friends. You’re a true professional. However, if you’re more of an introvert (such as myself), networking events can tend to feel awkward. And certainly put you way outside of your comfort zone. Here’s what you’ll need to get in your head. The SOLE purpose of these events is meeting people. If you go and hide in a corner somewhere, you WILL be the odd man out. So take a sip of the complimentary wine and get socializing!

I'm the Green. Katie is the Grey. This was simply too funny not to share with you all.

I can honestly say that I didn’t feel at all awkward during last night’s event. Everyone from the Middlesex Chamber was delightful and eager to meet us and make introductions. The attendees we spoke to were extremely friendly and made us feel welcome. We collected several business cards and left with viable new business leads. 

The only negative piece of the overall networking experience was the noise. There was live music (which I thought was awesome) but that, combined with 150+ people all talking in a confined space, made it very difficult to hear. (And if you’ve watched any of my videos, you know I have a child’s voice that does not project whatsoever. So people were clearly struggling to hear me as well.) That said, the venue had a few separate areas so we were able to relocate to a somewhat quieter space for a lengthier conversation.

Closing Thoughts

If you’re a business owner who does business in Middlesex County, I would absolutely recommend joining the Chamber of Commerce. It will open so many new doors for you by providing you with unique opportunities to meet local entrepreneurs like yourself. You can get a wealth of information on their website: www.middlesexchamber.com

Check it out and hopefully we’ll see you at an upcoming event! 

Organization = Success: How To Organize Your Closet In Under An Hour

I was born an organizer. I hate clutter. I love post-it notes and planners. I believe everything has a place. And I like my labels facing out. When I worked in Corporate America, my coworkers would constantly crack jokes about my office space. All of my file folders neatly arranged on my desktop. The stapler and jar of funky push-pins and paper clips positioned just so. A daily To-Do List always set beside my keyboard. 

To some, this may seem over the top but for me, being organized has helped me achieve greatness in my career. I’ve always been able to meet or exceed deadlines because I tackle projects with a plan. I’ve always been able to focus on the task at hand because I don’t become distracted by all the clutter.

Organization = Success.

According to the article 21 Success Habits of Highly Organized People, “The more your work and living space are decluttered, the clearer your mind is … A decluttered work/living space produces a decluttered mind.”

#TheTruth

It’s the New Year and we’ve been talking a lot about resolutions lately. If you’re looking to get more organized in 2018, I think it should start at home. Like many females, my day begins in my closet. So today, I’m going to share some tips for organizing your entire wardrobe in under an hour. I actually just did this myself a few days ago and it feels like I’ve removed a huge weight off my shoulders. I’m hoping you’ll feel that same way, too! 

Ok, before jumping right in, I want to warn you that having an emotional attachment to your clothing will make this process astronomically more difficult. This is something I struggle with so I really needed to get it through my head that, “they’re just clothes (most of which you don’t wear anymore.”

You’re going to experience an immense feeling of refreshment after this exercise so keep THAT at the forefront of your mind! That said, use the “rip it off like a bandaid” mentality. Work quickly and don’t overthink things. Complete the following steps like a multiple choice quiz … your first answer is typically right!

A close-up of the monstrosity I was working with.

Step 1: Remove all of the items that you LOVE (a.k.a. stuff you have worn more than once during the last month or two).

The jeans that make your butt look nice. The sleeveless blouse that accentuates those killer arms you’ve got. The soft fleece that keeps you warm and cozy on a frosty winter day. Anything that you feel fabulous in (and that you wear frequently) needs to be placed into the LOVE pile. 

Step 2: Remove all of the items that you HATE (a.k.a. stuff that you never wear).

If you haven’t worn it in over a year, it’s time to get rid of it. The jeans that don’t make your butt look nice. The itchy wool sweater that looked terrific on the rack but tormented your skin. The chartreuse sequined top you went clubbing in back in the early 2000’s. (Yes, I am sadly drawing from real life examples here.) Immediately place these items into the HATE pile.

Hey! What happened to my bed?

Step 3: Sort through the MAYBES. 

This might be the toughest part of the process. Dealing with the Maybes. After removing the items you love and the items you hate (or strongly dislike, because Hate is such a strong word) from your closet, you’ll most likely be left with a whole bunch of stuff you’re unsure about. Remember, I said to approach this process a.) quickly and b.) like a multiple choice quiz (no overthinking!). 

Let's pause for a quick game of "Where's the kitty?"

Go through the Maybes with this question in mind: If you saw this item on a rack today, would you buy it? You’re now at an advantage because you’ve had time to wear these clothes so you already know how they fit and feel. The only items you should keep are the ones you realistically see yourself wearing again in the very near future. Don’t hold onto something just because you think it might come in handy for a Business After Work event next spring. (That’s what last-minute shopping excursions are for … hehe.)

Step 4: Make your Goodwill pile and empty the trash.

After you’ve sorted through your Maybes, now it’s time to organize the items you’ll be getting rid of. Pieces that are in good condition can go toward a good cause and be donated to your local Goodwill or Salvation Army. The pieces that have seen much better days can be discarded.

Four FULL bags were loaded up for donation!

Step 5: Organizing your wardrobe. 

You’ve reached the finish line, my friend! This is the fun part … filling your closet back up with the items you love! Since you’re working with a blank slate, this is a good time to organize the items by season/style/color (if you have the space). 

Now that's looking MUCH better.

Since I have a walk-in wardrobe room, I’m able to store all of my clothes in one place. However, if space is limited, start Step 5 by packing away items that aren’t currently in season. When you go to place the remaining items back into your closet, organize them in a way that’s neat and easy to navigate. I started by hanging my dresses, skirts, and tunics on a tall rack (organized by color). I then folded my bottoms and placed them in a drawer. One side for summer/spring pants and shorts; the other side for winter/fall pants. I completed the process by hanging my tops, organized by color, on the remaining clothing racks. All on white hangers. (Did I mention that I’m slightly OCD?).   

Leftover hangers

The entire process took me about an hour, although results will vary depending on the quantity of clothing you have to work with. All you Carrie Bradshaw’s might be looking at a slightly larger time investment. ;)

I PROMISE you’re going to feel completely refreshed after organizing your closet. And I’ll even venture to guess you’ll be motivated to organize other areas, too. Your car. Your office. The files on your computer. Organization = Success. 

If I’ve managed to entice you to go through this process, please leave some comments below and let me know how it all worked out! 

Setting Unrealistic Resolutions as a Working Mom

Yesterday was a snow day here in New England. When I woke up to that white wonderland, I had three thoughts:

1. Oh good, I can write that New Year’s Resolution blog I’ve been dying to get done.
   

2. Oh God, I am stuck in a house with four dogs and a toddler who will undoubtedly be bored out of their mind by 10:00 a.m.

3. Thank God my husband is home to endure the torture with me. (I am an awful wife.)

As I sat there at 12:30 in the afternoon, I felt a tad accomplished. I was able to convince a wild 3-year-old to wash her hands after she attempted to use the potty but somehow peed on her stuffed bunny instead. (Mind you, not until after a battle that should be documented in history books.) I was able to trick my chihuahua into taking his medication. Yet another tribulation in my book of horrors. (I outsmarted the little monster with turkey sausage. Katie 1. Pepino 0.) I have watched Moana seven times consecutively without harming myself and I successfully made mac and cheese from a box. Look at me go!

Pepino the Chihuahua

2018, here you are. In all your glory. What will you have in store and what resolutions does one make? In this moment, I am thinking my resolution should be to learn the song that the giant crab sings in Moana as well as my daughter. It’s shocking, really, how that shiny crab can be so damn captivating. I know you are already singing the song in your head… resist the urge. Resist.

As a mother, wife, and wrangler of what seems like 65 dogs, I think my resolution in my personal life is to just keep my head above water. Maybe it should be laundry-related. Yes! My resolution is to not drown in laundry! Does that count? I can of course rely on the go-to resolutions that seem very popular. Lose 20 pounds. Exercise every day. Join a yoga class. Eat more kale. Hah! I am laughing too.

The movie Bad Moms has been playing on HBO lately. Although controversial to like it, I am not going to lie. I get some serious laugh-out-loud moments out of it. I’ve heard through the grapevine that I should be insulted by this movie as a working mom. Guess what? I am not. The only thing offensive about the movie is how the main character lives in this gorgeous four-bedroom craftsman in what I’m assuming is an upper-class California suburb, all while working a part-time gig at a coffee company. Kind of like these newly wed couples on House Hunters who have a 2.3-million-dollar budget and their occupations are butterfly catcher and paper snowflake maker.

"The only thing offensive about the movie is how the main character lives in this gorgeous four-bedroom craftsman in what I’m assuming is an upper-class California suburb, all while working a part-time gig at a coffee company." -Katie Ehlers on Bad Moms

Anyway, the basis of the Bad Moms movie is that moms aren’t perfect and that’s ok. The pressures that we as a society put on ourselves to be these Pinterest-perfect robots is insane. Listen, I am not saying it’s ok to just throw in the towel and actually be a bad mom. You have created these little lunatics and it’s your job to love them, care for them, and attempt to mold them into hopefully responsible, productive, and kind adults. I slid the “kind” in because there is just too much ugly in our world right now. So do me a favor and teach your kid to be nice. Polite would be awesome, too. But I’ll take what I can get.

My point is, you are not perfect. No one is. As a mom, whether it be stay-at-home or working-out-of-the-home, you have a lot on your plate. So set realistic resolutions for yourself. They can be selfish (in fact, I encourage at least one selfish resolution) and productive.

Here are my actual resolutions this year.

1. Be nicer to our dogs.

I love our dogs. We all do. They give us undying love and loyalty. Unfortunately, though, they sometimes take a seat on the back burner when our lives get crazy. They are, of course, loved and cared for. However, I want to devote more time to them. Each of them individually. I want to make a conscious effort to not get frustrated with them if they are looking for attention when I just want five seconds to myself. I will also make sure not to get angry with them if they have chewed something they shouldn’t have. As in all reality, if I had been paying more attention to them, they wouldn’t have went looking for something else to entertain them.

2. Write one or two blog posts every four weeks.

I enjoy writing so it’s not a chore to do so. It’s more of a challenge to just make myself dedicate 45 minutes to just sitting down and writing. It is my creative outlet and it really should be a personal and professional priority. (P.S. If you're a small business owner, you should consider making blogging your resolution, too! Read why in our 5 Small Business Marketing Resolutions For 2018.)

3. Drink more water.

I do believe that a healthier version of you will allow you to keep up with the craziness of what we call life. I completely understand that running five miles every day isn’t realistic for everyone. (Don’t listen to Jamie, she’s a freak of nature.) However, I DO believe that everyone can make healthier nutritional choices and add some sort of physical activity to their day. Baby steps work. I am not nearly as healthy, or active as my work-wife. However, I do have a relatively healthy diet, and workout pretty regularly. Water consumption is an issue for me, for whatever reason. So, that’s my baby step.

4. Do not overfill my plate!

I am notorious for trying to stuff 100 things into eight hours. It is stress-inducing and really not productive. I want to be more organized in my planning and have achievable to-do lists and itineraries.

5. Treat myself to one pedicure or massage at least once every 60 days (see … selfish!).

Listen, I am no professional resolution-setter or achiever. I am just someone who has learned from some mistakes and have taught myself to take care of me so that I can in turn take care of my family, too. If I burn myself out, I am not useful to anyone, personally or professionally.

It’s really very easy to let yourself be completely consumed and overwhelmed by a full workload, and then a toddler asking me why her purple Lego is in fact purple one hundred times over. I totally get it. Set achievable resolutions, so you don’t set yourself up to fail. At the end of the day, there is a real possibility that you just might not successfully end this year by sticking to your resolution(s) 100%. The world will not end. Your life will not shatter. But give it your best shot. You got this.

Ok working warriors, set those resolutions. Be realistic. Treat yo’self. In the words of the great Maui the demigod, “You’re Welcome” (in song form).

-Katie

Don’t Sacrifice Your Pineapple - A Day In The Life Of A Working Mom & Entrepreneur

Lately, one of the most common questions I’m asked is “Wow, you are a super woman ... how do you do it ALL?” After all, I work as an Animal Control Officer, a Realtor, a Brand Ambassador, and … to top it off ... I am starting a shiny new marketing company. Now, let’s add my roles as mother, wife, and circus wrangler of four dogs and a cat. For the most part I shrug it off and say something to the effect of “Oh, it’s no big deal.” 

I am here to share with you, whether you are a working or stay-at-home Mom or Dad … it is a big deal. Kids are NO JOKE. Especially toddlers. They will take you on and leave you begging for mercy. 

A few weeks ago was particularly interesting. Fridays are my day “off.” (It’s ok, you can laugh. I think it’s a joke, too.) Anyway, other than my goal to write a blog post, I didn’t have too much on my plate. We were having dinner guests over but the house was already pretty clean so I thought Savannah and I could go on a quick mommy-daughter shopping trip. I may have had the selfish intent of wanting to indulge in perusing Marshalls but regardless, you catch my drift. I should have known though. Savannah had that special … wait, I mean sassy ... twinkle in her eye before we even left the house. I should have listened to my gut but I didn’t. 

I am sure you know where I am going with this. Everything was going fairly well outside of a few unwanted items in the cart. Then she discovered the shiny bottles of room spray. Nope, not the stuffed bunnies or the Halloween costumes ... not the makeup or fun games … the room spray. I think it was lavender-scented, which I can appreciate. It was what happened after that which was the issue. She dropped the glass bottle. By some grace of the Marshalls God, the bottle didn’t break. However, I am not a fool. I said my Hail Marshalls and asked Savannah to not touch them anymore. She begrudgingly agreed for a moment but then went back for more. It was like the lavender put a spell on her. She refused to leave that shelf! I played along for a good ten minutes but it was time to go. And now that we had spent so much time playing with room spray, I knew I was flirting with nap time. That sassy twinkle mixed with a lack of napping ... oh, I was asking for it. And that is precisely what happened. 

I told Savannah we needed to leave. Even offered to buy the stupid spray bottle. But no. Full. On. TANTRUM. To the point a Marshalls’ employee asked if everything was ok. “Yep, everything is just fine and dandy.” [Insert sarcastic A-Okay emoji here.] I promptly abandoned my entire cart of gorgeous goodies, hoisted the screaming kid over my shoulder, and made a run for it out the door. When we got home, Savannah promptly informed me she was NOT taking a nap. She then proceeded to go on a full out spree of pushing my buttons (including trying to kick the dogs, which is an absolute no-no in our house). 

For whatever reason, I thought Google might help. I mean, come on, Google knows it all. I quickly Googled “how to handle a defiant toddler.” I was directed to babycenter.com where I was presented with, “Defiance: Why it happens and what to do about it.” I mean, I guess I get it. Toddlers are crazy little rebels … testing boundaries and trying to find their place in the world. BabyCenter assured me it’s normal. Thanks … I felt better now. However, I was still stewing about that gorgeous pineapple candle holder I had to sacrifice at Marshalls. Was that normal too?

Don't give up.

And don't sacrifice the pineapple.

I know we have all been there. We have all had these embarrassing moments. I just want you to know you aren’t alone. I think it’s cute that I come off as so well put together. I think it’s great that you think I am an all-star mom with 75 careers and my days are flawless. Well, that’s what Facebook says … and Facebook is real life after all. (I’m winking.)

Here is the truth. That day I was on the verge of tears thinking that I must be a bad Mom. I questioned whether I was the problem because I am not a stay-at-home mom. I wondered if I was out of touch on how to handle my own kid because I have so much going on. Then I re-centered and realized I was letting the crazy in. I am a GREAT mom. Perhaps not a Mom that has time to make Pinterest projects or document every milestone but, at the end of the day, I am who I am. And I love my daughter with every morsel of my being.

I get up each day with a dream in my heart and a mission in my mind. I hustle because I want to create a better life for my family. I play this whacky game of a balancing act because I refuse to give up on my dream of using creativity to pay my bills. I sometimes lock myself in the bathroom for a moment of peace so that my daughter doesn’t smell my fear. (Don’t act like you’ve never done it.) Guess what though? I am super woman. I don’t know how I do it all but I do … and that’s what matters. It will pay off. 

So to you, my friends. Don’t give up and don’t sacrifice the pineapple. You too will survive having a toddler and a career. At least that’s what Google told me. 

I will have you know that I did finally get my daughter to take a nap. We won’t talk about the fact that it didn’t happen until 3:40pm. In addition, I wrote my blog post, too. While it wasn’t on the topic that I intended, this seemed way more appropriate.